There isn’t much worse than a parent’s ire of our lifestyle choices. Such situations are worsened when our parents participate in bigotry as the core component of their disdain for our choices. Those of us who are attracted to races outside our own often know this dilemma far more than we should.
What do we do when parents despise our interracial dating?
We don’t panic
The first time a parent admits they don’t appreciate us dating a black single, or vice versa, we tend to panic. It triggers us. This can lead us into a combative state.
Racism is an ingrained feature in the racist’s brain. It doesn’t change because you get angry and shout down the person. You’re wasting your precious energy and feeding into negativity.
Its important that we avoid feeding negative energy into negative situations because that tends to breath life into them.
The first time we understand our parents aren’t happy about our interracial dating, we calmly leave the situation, breath, and collect our thoughts. That may mean saying a cordial goodbye and leaving, or walking into another room.
Do anything but allow the situation to evolve into a full-on disaster scene.
If your significant other is there, you don’t want to expose them to the negative energy. If she isn’t, you still should avoid the drama.
Walking away from conflict of this nature does not make you weak. It makes you strong because you realize that you aren’t changing someone in a matter of seconds and minutes. This is how they think. Maybe they were raised to condemn interracial dating. Maybe other factors play a role. All the same, you aren’t going to change it through a dramatic argument.
This isn’t about not taking a stand. Its about not feeding energy into a negative situation. Its as simple as that. Find the positive situations and life and go there instead.
We don’t try and force change, we gently introduce the change
Once we’ve removed ourselves from the distasteful situation, our rational thinking ensues.
Are we going to disown our parents?
Will we try to help them realize the error of their ways?
There are lots of thoughts to be had once we’ve removed ourselves from the toxic confrontation.
Depending on their relationship with their parents, for some, the solution might be to try and change their thinking. Changes in racist attitudes does happen. But sometimes, it does not.
If you go in like a bull in a china shop, you’ll probably just start a huge argument and feed the negative energy. You must find ways to have rational conversations that lead you to the real issue. Why are your parents against interracial dating? What’s the fear?
Some parents may be lost causes and that leaves you to decide where you stand in your parent-child relationship. Its a tough situation we don’t admire anyone being in.
We may cut ties…
Ultimately, many people cut ties with family members who choose to act in racist ways. Its a painful decision to make. We aren’t advising to do so, but we also understand that every family is different. Everyone must do what’s best for them in these trying situations.
If nothing works to help a family member or parent see the light, it can certainly lead interracial couples into murky waters. No one wants exposure to toxic negativity all the time.
Sadly, we see couples on Black Fuckbook experience these undesirable, unnecessary struggles with family members. It never resolves easily. But sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Remain positive, avoid the toxic, and live life to its fullest every day.